Self-Confidence and its Attractive Nature

What does self-confidence have to do with the law of attraction? Is there a parallel between the two? Does self-confidence affect everything about a person?

Before I answer these questions, allow me to paint a picture for you that should cause you to think concerning yourself, especially if you have ever played any sport where it involves competition. The analogy goes like this…you are a Major League pitcher and the first 10 batters hit a homerun or they get on base. If you were this pitcher, how would you rate your self-confidence, from one to ten and ten being at the best self-confidence level? Do you think that your confidence level would be high enough to finish the game with a win or would you internally battle with your confidence being shaken? If your confidence is extremely low, do you think that your opponent would notice it? Absolutely, yes!

People feel the same sense of anxiety when it comes to sales; the inability to land a date; when you’ve had one job interview after another and no one hires you; and the list goes on. It is at these times when your confidence can be shaken and or inoperable. I have seen people make mistakes with the simplest of things to do, but because they made several mistakes, they became discombobulated. For instance, when I was in the military many moons ago, I was sent to a military leadership school with about one hundred or more guides from all over Europe where American soldiers were assigned. If there was one thing I did well, I knew how to soldier. Being the first in the class to receive a merit instead of a demerit, which everyone receives throughout their training, I was assigned to help one soldier with his marching ability. This may seem hard to believe, but it happens all the time when one’s confidence has been shaken. The problem with this sergeant’s marching came because he thought too hard and therefore he struggled with the simplest of tasks, marching. When a person walks, their arms swing opposite of the movement of their legs, which is the natural swinging motion when walking. Sergeant Blank, whose name I will keep concealed for the sake of embarrassment even though it was over thirty years ago, moved his arms in the same motion when he tried to focus on marching. My first thought about the assignment given by my facilitator was cruel and unusual punishment because I was given a relativity short period to work with Sergeant Blank, which also took up several evenings. However, it proved to be a blessing in disguise.

What was my strategy to get this soldier to do what was natural, naturally? Of course, my assignment was quite amusing to the other sergeants assigned to this leadership school, but not all of them graduated. On the other hand, Sergeant Blank did graduate and later was promoted to the next rank all because of a simple strategy. My strategy was as simple as walking. Sergeant Blank’s problem was not that he could not march like a soldier; his issue was in his head when he had to march like a soldier. I worked on his confidence, not his lack of ability to march correctly. When I tried marching him, I did not succeed and I only became frustrated. Until I realize that his confidence was shaken by everyone yelling and laughing at him, I put a new strategy into operation. I asked him to walk with me and keep up as I walked more in a military form without him thinking about it because I did not speak of marching I was asking him questions about his family and children…things that mattered the most to him. Whenever he would focus on me I would inform him that we were not marching, we are only talking for now. After he became calm and relaxed, we started synchronizing our steps; he was marching without the thought of marching. After a short while I said, “Did you notice that you were marching?” He started laughing with excitement because he discovered his own flaw; he had allowed all of the distracting shouting by his facilitators and laughter from his contemporaries to affect his self-confidence. I informed him that some things do not need your focus, just your cooperation. You do not focus on breathing and yet you have no problem with it. A healthy self-confidence helps you to do the normal things effortlessly and increases your ability to do extraordinary things with an enduring strength.

Confidence is generally described as a state of being certain that a chosen course of action is the best or most effective. Confidence is a feeling you believe you are capable of doing something and that you are optimistic. Self-confidence is having confidence in oneself. However, true self-confidence is not a feeling that you are better than others are. Confidence influences success in all areas of life. As you know, there are other important factors to your success. Some factors are beyond your control but they can be assisted with one critical factor called confidence. However, you must realize how confidence is always crucial for your success. In fact, most people are not confident enough. Self-confidence makes you sociable and likeable and can easily become one of your attractive qualities. Self-confidence will turn you on to life, and if you turn yourself on, rest assured, it will resonate so that you will cause others to become turned on to life as well.

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Is Second Impression Possible?

During a visit from a business associate, who happens to be one of the top salespersons across the nation in her field, came to speak about our outdoor advertisement. As she was speaking about how we can get more bang for our dollars, her thoughts wandered and she begin to speak to me concerning a popular book, which sold millions and about how the book made her feel. While she and her boss were discussing the book one day, she said that she thought about me and informed her boss about how she felt motivated after coming out my presence. At first my inclination was that, she’s a salesperson and there may be an ulterior motive. My second thought was she was simply sharing her genuine thoughts about feeling inspired and encouraged to perform at her peak level while having just a casual conversation with me. It made me think about how often I’ve heard people say wonderful things like this about the impact that I have on them. Moreover, just too even think, I never think of making an impact, I only believe that I have something of importance to share. Without any effort or attempt on my part to impress anyone, I have but one aim and that aim is to impress upon a person the importance of hearing the right information. Knowing that you are a product of your information, one should be very concerned about the kind of information that he or she receives.

How do you think people feel after coming out of your presence? If you notice after meeting with people, you don’t have many repeats in visitations or invites, after you thought that you and the other person seem to get along so well may be a sign that your non-verbal skills are speaking louder than your audible voice. It is important for an individual to understand the kind of aura and impression that resonates from their person. You can be sending out the wrong kind of message that causes others to be repelled rather than magnetically attracted to you. Because of the lack of friendships or associates, banging down your door to gather with the guys or gals can be an attributing factor that leads to feelings of dejection, depression and loneliness.

Can you lose or close a sale in just a matter of seconds? You bet your sweet life you can! You can lose a sale in seconds with bad breath or you can close one in fewer seconds than you can lose one with just the right first impression. Approaching potential clients or friends with the wrong facial expression or the improper use of words can make the first meeting as if you are in a den of lions. Seven to ten seconds is the average length of time you have to make a good, bad or indifferent first impression. One way or another, the first impression will cause the other person to decide if they want to see you again or not. Is there a way to recover from a bad first impression? Yes, there is. I have heard others say that if your first impression is not good, you will not get another chance with the potential client or associate. It is possible to attempt a second impression, but with an honest approach that you made a foolish assumption with the first.

We are all aware of the benefit and residual reaped from a great first impression and that you can anticipate that the client is more likely to take you and your business seriously or that your percentage greatly increases of gaining another friend is a certainty. However, the second impression may prove humbling and slightly difficult but not impossible. Most people understand how mistakes can be made and are more than willing to give a person a second chance. However, the way to get their approval of your second opportunity is to be genuinely apologetic about the first. Moreover, going after a second impression to present your business or product or to gain the confidence of a potential friend is worth it. You never know the connections that can come from one person that can open doors to many other opportunities for you.

If you notice that people may not want to be around you or that it is difficult for you to make sales, do not turn away and ignore it. Ask your spouse or your closest friend to be painfully honest with you about your personality and let them know that you will grant them amnesty to say whatever they feel that can help you identify your lack of social skills. Working on yourself is commendable because it allows you to move the inhibitors that are blocking your progress and hindering relationships that can potentially blossom into a marriage, friendship or a great sale.

Below is a list of seven ‘Dos and Don’ts’ you can do to increase your chances of leaving a lasting and memorable impression on others that can lead to your success.

  1. Put on a genuine smile.
  2. Don’t act like you care, care!
  3. Vocal variety is the key to communication.
  4. Don’t look certain; be certain!
  5. Stuttering is not a problem but mumbling is.
  6. Speak with you entire body, not just with your mouth.
  7. Respect the person’s title, position, and status.

Remember, you cannot lose being a chameleon because people like people who are like themselves. You will only attract after your own kind, so to attract other potential kinds, be like them.