What We Have Is A Failure To Communicate

Communication1Does what you say matter more than how you say it? This is the age-old question that many people have concerning verbal communication. This dilemma seems to arrest people as they are trying to verbalize their feelings in order to get their point across. There is a huge discrepancy between the way people generally process the information they hear as opposed to the way they communicate their thoughts. Factors often exist when there is a breakdown in the communication process that are often overlooked such as culture, ethnicity, education, economics, a person’s mental condition, preferences, etc. These factors should not be undermined as though they are not important to proper communication. If a person desires to get their point across without causing a ruckus, it will prove to be a wise investment of time to learn communication skills. Especially if you are married, where most of your communication battles will occur, this is the ideal dialogue for you.

The Communicator’s Aim:
The person communicating should immediately take into account the aforementioned factors. This is not an assumption of one’s intelligence, but rather wisdom. The communicator’s aim should be to be understood. If a person attends any of my business conclaves, they can easily discern that I do not use big words to try to impress the people in attendance. My aim is not to impress, but to impress upon them the importance of the information given. I like to hold my audiences with my verbal skills not lose them.

Communication Problems in Marriage:
When married couples have communication problems, it is usually because they have established a non-verbal communication basis that they have not mastered. Assumptions are made because of previous misunderstanding and therefore instead of clearly communicating their thoughts to one another they give out singles that are rarely caught or understood. If you find yourself often saying, “I thought you meant…,” this response is an indication that you clearly have a communication problem.

A Communication Problem:
Some years back, there was a movie that Paul Newman starred in entitled, Cool Hand Luke. The character Paul Newman was playing was a rebel young man that often found himself in trouble with the law. He ended up in a back-woods prison surrounded by swamp and venomous snakes. The Warden would often inform the prisoners that if they tried to escape, they would both be recaptured and returned to be brutally beaten to serve as a reminder to not attempt to escape again or the swamp would kill them before they could escape to freedom. One day, Paul Newman’s character escaped, but was later captured and returned to the prison to resume his sentence. This is when the Warden spoke the famous phrase, “What we have here is a failure to communicate.” As a young man, I loved the phrase but I did not fully understand it until later in my years. What was meant was if you continue to do the opposite of what is spoken, obviously there is a misunderstanding.

Body Language Speaks Loudly:
Oftentimes, when words or phrases are misunderstood, it is usually because what is said may have a different meaning or connotation to the listener. The second reason for the possible misunderstanding could be, and in most cases is, when what is said does not correspond with the tone and facial expression when it was spoken. Therefore, the person may not have heard what you said because they were engulfed by how you said it. This is a major problem in marriage and sometimes in business board meetings. Identifying the problem is a third of the solution. However, knowing what to do with your new discovery is another part of the solution. Having the humility to place priority on the importance of getting and receiving an understanding, is far better and advantageous than gratifying your frustrations.

Clarification of a Solution:
Take your time, be patient, because the person you may be talking to, may have a legitimate hearing impairment. Communication is the basis to life. General simple verbiage gives you a far better percentage of being understood than speaking in an extra extensive vocabulary that may not impress anyone but you.

Recommended Reading:

I frequently say, “Readers are leaders and leaders are readers.” I strongly believe this statement; therefore, I have taken the time to recommend reading material that I believe will greatly benefit your life and business endeavors. Click the images to see more information or to order the books from Amazon.com.

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The materials are provided for your convenience and Dr. Brown will earn a small commission from Amazon when you purchase through the links provided above.

Come let’s talk some more about this, comment your thoughts below.

Unsolicited Consequences

MB Text 7-26-2015 (Consequnce)What are consequences and why can they be fatal?

A consequence is something that follows as a result. Consequences can be good or bad, however, it is the relation between a result and its cause. If it is a negative result, it means a previous action resulted in an unpleasant or difficult outcome. There’s one thing about consequences – we all pay them.

Can you recall a time where you’ve personally said or done something for which you felt the consequences were unwarranted? No one ever complains and wonders why good things are happening to them, but most people are usually very confused as to why negative consequences occur. Negative consequences would never materialize without them first being paid for. Every consequence is paid in advance.

Now I believe, there is a cause and effect, and a ripple effect for everything everyone does, and those actions can have positive consequences as well as negative. Everyone has to make their own decisions, however you have to be able to accept the consequences without complaining. A person’s acceptance of what has taken place is the first step toward overcoming any unfortunate consequence. Everything has positive or negative consequences, and I can’t repeat this enough.

Sometimes, tremendous consequences come from what we sometimes consider to be little or insignificant decisions or actions. When the results seem to have a more devastating effect, I am tempted to think there is no such thing as little decisions or actions. On the other hand, small actions and decisions can also result in gigantic results.

“I never looked at the consequences of missing a big shot… when you think about the consequences you always think of a negative result.”
–Michael Jordan

Most youth never take into consideration the consequences of their actions until it is too late. How much more grievous are the consequences of anger than the causes of it. Is it possible to get in the way of someone’s consequences for an act they committed? Nothing is free in this world; either you pay your own consequences or someone else does. Choices made, whether good, bad, or indifferent, follow you forever and affect everyone in their path one way or another. Some of a person’s emotional scars can be the result of another person’s emotional pain. Hurt people; hurt people.

The way I avoid, as much as I can, the foolishness of someone else’s actions, is to mentally be aware of their capability. It’s similar to making a conscience decision, while you’re driving, to drive for the other guy as well. When you see someone swerving back and forth on the road, stay a good distance behind them or they may inadvertently cause an accident for you.

Without reflection, we blindly go on our way, generating more unintended consequences, and always falling short of achieving anything useful. The actions we take and the decisions we make in this waking moment will have consequences reaching far into our futures. It doesn’t matter if we don’t mean to do the things we do. It means nothing if it was an accident or a mistake. It doesn’t even matter if we think this is all up to fate. Regardless of our destiny, we still have to answer for our actions; and our consequences are those answers.

We all make choices, big and small, every day of our lives, and those choices have consequences. Everyone is going to eventually sit at the table and eat the meal of consequences. However, you can personally be totally engaged in the effort to ensure that the consequences you eat daily, are good and beneficial, as the result of you making sure your actions and decisions are calculating consequences worth paying for.

Recommended Reading:

I frequently say, “Readers are leaders and leaders are readers.” I strongly believe this statement; therefore, I have taken the time to recommend reading material that I believe will greatly benefit your life and business endeavors. Click the images to see more information or to order the books from Amazon.com.

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The materials are provided for your convenience and Dr. Brown will earn a small commission from Amazon when you purchase through the links provided above.

Come let’s talk some more about this, comment your thoughts below.

What’s The Big Idea?

What’s Your Next Big Idea?
It’s Not Every Day That You Come Up With…

Today, I would like for you to cross the threshold of mediocrity. I want you to stop playing it safe and move from the middle of the road onto your side of the road. Then, as you start your journey, the first thing you should do is throw away the map your relatives and friend told you to buy and begin to chart your own course.

Continue reading “What’s The Big Idea?”