What We Have Is A Failure To Communicate

Communication1Does what you say matter more than how you say it? This is the age-old question that many people have concerning verbal communication. This dilemma seems to arrest people as they are trying to verbalize their feelings in order to get their point across. There is a huge discrepancy between the way people generally process the information they hear as opposed to the way they communicate their thoughts. Factors often exist when there is a breakdown in the communication process that are often overlooked such as culture, ethnicity, education, economics, a person’s mental condition, preferences, etc. These factors should not be undermined as though they are not important to proper communication. If a person desires to get their point across without causing a ruckus, it will prove to be a wise investment of time to learn communication skills. Especially if you are married, where most of your communication battles will occur, this is the ideal dialogue for you.

The Communicator’s Aim:
The person communicating should immediately take into account the aforementioned factors. This is not an assumption of one’s intelligence, but rather wisdom. The communicator’s aim should be to be understood. If a person attends any of my business conclaves, they can easily discern that I do not use big words to try to impress the people in attendance. My aim is not to impress, but to impress upon them the importance of the information given. I like to hold my audiences with my verbal skills not lose them.

Communication Problems in Marriage:
When married couples have communication problems, it is usually because they have established a non-verbal communication basis that they have not mastered. Assumptions are made because of previous misunderstanding and therefore instead of clearly communicating their thoughts to one another they give out singles that are rarely caught or understood. If you find yourself often saying, “I thought you meant…,” this response is an indication that you clearly have a communication problem.

A Communication Problem:
Some years back, there was a movie that Paul Newman starred in entitled, Cool Hand Luke. The character Paul Newman was playing was a rebel young man that often found himself in trouble with the law. He ended up in a back-woods prison surrounded by swamp and venomous snakes. The Warden would often inform the prisoners that if they tried to escape, they would both be recaptured and returned to be brutally beaten to serve as a reminder to not attempt to escape again or the swamp would kill them before they could escape to freedom. One day, Paul Newman’s character escaped, but was later captured and returned to the prison to resume his sentence. This is when the Warden spoke the famous phrase, “What we have here is a failure to communicate.” As a young man, I loved the phrase but I did not fully understand it until later in my years. What was meant was if you continue to do the opposite of what is spoken, obviously there is a misunderstanding.

Body Language Speaks Loudly:
Oftentimes, when words or phrases are misunderstood, it is usually because what is said may have a different meaning or connotation to the listener. The second reason for the possible misunderstanding could be, and in most cases is, when what is said does not correspond with the tone and facial expression when it was spoken. Therefore, the person may not have heard what you said because they were engulfed by how you said it. This is a major problem in marriage and sometimes in business board meetings. Identifying the problem is a third of the solution. However, knowing what to do with your new discovery is another part of the solution. Having the humility to place priority on the importance of getting and receiving an understanding, is far better and advantageous than gratifying your frustrations.

Clarification of a Solution:
Take your time, be patient, because the person you may be talking to, may have a legitimate hearing impairment. Communication is the basis to life. General simple verbiage gives you a far better percentage of being understood than speaking in an extra extensive vocabulary that may not impress anyone but you.

Recommended Reading:

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The Art of Creative Speaking

Creative Speech
Create Your World
There is one thing that is constant throughout the history of humanity, and that is communication. The ability to speak is a faculty; to know what to say and how to say it is an art.

There are three intuitive ways by which humans communicate; gesture, deed, and word. Mastering these three areas of communication will be a phenomenal surplus for any person because of the doors that will be open to them. Actors and actresses study the art of acting which includes the ability to express the intended thought through their gestures as well as their words. Unfortunately, many people have not considered the importance of learning such a craft. The commoner who has been taught or self-tutored in the fine art of speech has been given the key to unlock many opportunities.


Certain jobs and high employment positions have literally been handed to people who exercised an ability to communicate effectively with their potential employer despite little or no education. Communicating well is not demonstrative by the use of big words, but in how words are used.

“Take advantage of every opportunity to practice your communication skills so that when important occasions arise, you will have the gift, the style, the sharpness, the clarity, and the emotions to affect other people.” –Jim Rohn

Great leaders have always been great orators, with a few exceptions. Socrates, Aristotle, and Plato were all Greek philosophers who understood that in order to express yourself in word; you must also learn the theatrics (gestures) as well. Hand gestures and body language is all a part of communicating when it comes to people understanding you. Words without gestures have a fifty percent chance of being misunderstood. People better understand you when they not only hear what you say, but they see how you say it.

Now we come to the all important part of communication which should be embraced and understood; there is power in words. There is no such thing as a powerless word. The use of words is the chief cause and material used to build your world. Words create worlds. The Bible says, “By faith we understand that the worlds were framed by the word of God.” What kind of world are you framing with your words? Do you understand the life you are now living is being experienced because you verbally spoke it out?

Life and death is in the power of the tongue. Meaning, your ability to use certain words that can cause death or life to certain instances is all in your use of words. Jesus said, “…the words I speak unto you are spirit and they are life.” The words are containers that either carry the spirit of death or the spirit of life. You can kill an opportunity with your words or you can kick down its door. Watch what you say, and say what you want in your heart.

The greatest thing a person can do is build the world of their dreams with their words. The second greatest thing a person can do is destroy their world with their words. Don’t allow your mouth to become a demolition crew; allow it be a construction company.


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Recommended Reading:

I frequently say, “Readers are leaders and leaders are readers.” I strongly believe this statement; therefore, I have taken the time to recommend reading material that I believe will greatly benefit your life and business endeavors. Click the images to see more information or to order the books from Amazon.com.

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The materials are provided for your convenience and Dr. Brown will earn a small commission from Amazon when you purchase through the links provided above.

Is Second Impression Possible?

During a visit from a business associate, who happens to be one of the top salespersons across the nation in her field, came to speak about our outdoor advertisement. As she was speaking about how we can get more bang for our dollars, her thoughts wandered and she begin to speak to me concerning a popular book, which sold millions and about how the book made her feel. While she and her boss were discussing the book one day, she said that she thought about me and informed her boss about how she felt motivated after coming out my presence. At first my inclination was that, she’s a salesperson and there may be an ulterior motive. My second thought was she was simply sharing her genuine thoughts about feeling inspired and encouraged to perform at her peak level while having just a casual conversation with me. It made me think about how often I’ve heard people say wonderful things like this about the impact that I have on them. Moreover, just too even think, I never think of making an impact, I only believe that I have something of importance to share. Without any effort or attempt on my part to impress anyone, I have but one aim and that aim is to impress upon a person the importance of hearing the right information. Knowing that you are a product of your information, one should be very concerned about the kind of information that he or she receives.

How do you think people feel after coming out of your presence? If you notice after meeting with people, you don’t have many repeats in visitations or invites, after you thought that you and the other person seem to get along so well may be a sign that your non-verbal skills are speaking louder than your audible voice. It is important for an individual to understand the kind of aura and impression that resonates from their person. You can be sending out the wrong kind of message that causes others to be repelled rather than magnetically attracted to you. Because of the lack of friendships or associates, banging down your door to gather with the guys or gals can be an attributing factor that leads to feelings of dejection, depression and loneliness.

Can you lose or close a sale in just a matter of seconds? You bet your sweet life you can! You can lose a sale in seconds with bad breath or you can close one in fewer seconds than you can lose one with just the right first impression. Approaching potential clients or friends with the wrong facial expression or the improper use of words can make the first meeting as if you are in a den of lions. Seven to ten seconds is the average length of time you have to make a good, bad or indifferent first impression. One way or another, the first impression will cause the other person to decide if they want to see you again or not. Is there a way to recover from a bad first impression? Yes, there is. I have heard others say that if your first impression is not good, you will not get another chance with the potential client or associate. It is possible to attempt a second impression, but with an honest approach that you made a foolish assumption with the first.

We are all aware of the benefit and residual reaped from a great first impression and that you can anticipate that the client is more likely to take you and your business seriously or that your percentage greatly increases of gaining another friend is a certainty. However, the second impression may prove humbling and slightly difficult but not impossible. Most people understand how mistakes can be made and are more than willing to give a person a second chance. However, the way to get their approval of your second opportunity is to be genuinely apologetic about the first. Moreover, going after a second impression to present your business or product or to gain the confidence of a potential friend is worth it. You never know the connections that can come from one person that can open doors to many other opportunities for you.

If you notice that people may not want to be around you or that it is difficult for you to make sales, do not turn away and ignore it. Ask your spouse or your closest friend to be painfully honest with you about your personality and let them know that you will grant them amnesty to say whatever they feel that can help you identify your lack of social skills. Working on yourself is commendable because it allows you to move the inhibitors that are blocking your progress and hindering relationships that can potentially blossom into a marriage, friendship or a great sale.

Below is a list of seven ‘Dos and Don’ts’ you can do to increase your chances of leaving a lasting and memorable impression on others that can lead to your success.

  1. Put on a genuine smile.
  2. Don’t act like you care, care!
  3. Vocal variety is the key to communication.
  4. Don’t look certain; be certain!
  5. Stuttering is not a problem but mumbling is.
  6. Speak with you entire body, not just with your mouth.
  7. Respect the person’s title, position, and status.

Remember, you cannot lose being a chameleon because people like people who are like themselves. You will only attract after your own kind, so to attract other potential kinds, be like them.