What We Have Is A Failure To Communicate

Communication1Does what you say matter more than how you say it? This is the age-old question that many people have concerning verbal communication. This dilemma seems to arrest people as they are trying to verbalize their feelings in order to get their point across. There is a huge discrepancy between the way people generally process the information they hear as opposed to the way they communicate their thoughts. Factors often exist when there is a breakdown in the communication process that are often overlooked such as culture, ethnicity, education, economics, a person’s mental condition, preferences, etc. These factors should not be undermined as though they are not important to proper communication. If a person desires to get their point across without causing a ruckus, it will prove to be a wise investment of time to learn communication skills. Especially if you are married, where most of your communication battles will occur, this is the ideal dialogue for you.

The Communicator’s Aim:
The person communicating should immediately take into account the aforementioned factors. This is not an assumption of one’s intelligence, but rather wisdom. The communicator’s aim should be to be understood. If a person attends any of my business conclaves, they can easily discern that I do not use big words to try to impress the people in attendance. My aim is not to impress, but to impress upon them the importance of the information given. I like to hold my audiences with my verbal skills not lose them.

Communication Problems in Marriage:
When married couples have communication problems, it is usually because they have established a non-verbal communication basis that they have not mastered. Assumptions are made because of previous misunderstanding and therefore instead of clearly communicating their thoughts to one another they give out singles that are rarely caught or understood. If you find yourself often saying, “I thought you meant…,” this response is an indication that you clearly have a communication problem.

A Communication Problem:
Some years back, there was a movie that Paul Newman starred in entitled, Cool Hand Luke. The character Paul Newman was playing was a rebel young man that often found himself in trouble with the law. He ended up in a back-woods prison surrounded by swamp and venomous snakes. The Warden would often inform the prisoners that if they tried to escape, they would both be recaptured and returned to be brutally beaten to serve as a reminder to not attempt to escape again or the swamp would kill them before they could escape to freedom. One day, Paul Newman’s character escaped, but was later captured and returned to the prison to resume his sentence. This is when the Warden spoke the famous phrase, “What we have here is a failure to communicate.” As a young man, I loved the phrase but I did not fully understand it until later in my years. What was meant was if you continue to do the opposite of what is spoken, obviously there is a misunderstanding.

Body Language Speaks Loudly:
Oftentimes, when words or phrases are misunderstood, it is usually because what is said may have a different meaning or connotation to the listener. The second reason for the possible misunderstanding could be, and in most cases is, when what is said does not correspond with the tone and facial expression when it was spoken. Therefore, the person may not have heard what you said because they were engulfed by how you said it. This is a major problem in marriage and sometimes in business board meetings. Identifying the problem is a third of the solution. However, knowing what to do with your new discovery is another part of the solution. Having the humility to place priority on the importance of getting and receiving an understanding, is far better and advantageous than gratifying your frustrations.

Clarification of a Solution:
Take your time, be patient, because the person you may be talking to, may have a legitimate hearing impairment. Communication is the basis to life. General simple verbiage gives you a far better percentage of being understood than speaking in an extra extensive vocabulary that may not impress anyone but you.

Recommended Reading:

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The Art of Creative Speaking

Creative Speech
Create Your World
There is one thing that is constant throughout the history of humanity, and that is communication. The ability to speak is a faculty; to know what to say and how to say it is an art.

There are three intuitive ways by which humans communicate; gesture, deed, and word. Mastering these three areas of communication will be a phenomenal surplus for any person because of the doors that will be open to them. Actors and actresses study the art of acting which includes the ability to express the intended thought through their gestures as well as their words. Unfortunately, many people have not considered the importance of learning such a craft. The commoner who has been taught or self-tutored in the fine art of speech has been given the key to unlock many opportunities.


Certain jobs and high employment positions have literally been handed to people who exercised an ability to communicate effectively with their potential employer despite little or no education. Communicating well is not demonstrative by the use of big words, but in how words are used.

“Take advantage of every opportunity to practice your communication skills so that when important occasions arise, you will have the gift, the style, the sharpness, the clarity, and the emotions to affect other people.” –Jim Rohn

Great leaders have always been great orators, with a few exceptions. Socrates, Aristotle, and Plato were all Greek philosophers who understood that in order to express yourself in word; you must also learn the theatrics (gestures) as well. Hand gestures and body language is all a part of communicating when it comes to people understanding you. Words without gestures have a fifty percent chance of being misunderstood. People better understand you when they not only hear what you say, but they see how you say it.

Now we come to the all important part of communication which should be embraced and understood; there is power in words. There is no such thing as a powerless word. The use of words is the chief cause and material used to build your world. Words create worlds. The Bible says, “By faith we understand that the worlds were framed by the word of God.” What kind of world are you framing with your words? Do you understand the life you are now living is being experienced because you verbally spoke it out?

Life and death is in the power of the tongue. Meaning, your ability to use certain words that can cause death or life to certain instances is all in your use of words. Jesus said, “…the words I speak unto you are spirit and they are life.” The words are containers that either carry the spirit of death or the spirit of life. You can kill an opportunity with your words or you can kick down its door. Watch what you say, and say what you want in your heart.

The greatest thing a person can do is build the world of their dreams with their words. The second greatest thing a person can do is destroy their world with their words. Don’t allow your mouth to become a demolition crew; allow it be a construction company.


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Recommended Reading:

I frequently say, “Readers are leaders and leaders are readers.” I strongly believe this statement; therefore, I have taken the time to recommend reading material that I believe will greatly benefit your life and business endeavors. Click the images to see more information or to order the books from Amazon.com.

[amazon asin=1930388179&template=image&chan=dr. mikel brown] [amazon asin=007162502X&template=image&chan=dr. mikel brown] [amazon asin=1609947436&template=image&chan=dr. mikel brown] [amazon asin=0470876360&template=image&chan=dr. mikel brown]
The materials are provided for your convenience and Dr. Brown will earn a small commission from Amazon when you purchase through the links provided above.