What We Have Is A Failure To Communicate

Communication1Does what you say matter more than how you say it? This is the age-old question that many people have concerning verbal communication. This dilemma seems to arrest people as they are trying to verbalize their feelings in order to get their point across. There is a huge discrepancy between the way people generally process the information they hear as opposed to the way they communicate their thoughts. Factors often exist when there is a breakdown in the communication process that are often overlooked such as culture, ethnicity, education, economics, a person’s mental condition, preferences, etc. These factors should not be undermined as though they are not important to proper communication. If a person desires to get their point across without causing a ruckus, it will prove to be a wise investment of time to learn communication skills. Especially if you are married, where most of your communication battles will occur, this is the ideal dialogue for you.

The Communicator’s Aim:
The person communicating should immediately take into account the aforementioned factors. This is not an assumption of one’s intelligence, but rather wisdom. The communicator’s aim should be to be understood. If a person attends any of my business conclaves, they can easily discern that I do not use big words to try to impress the people in attendance. My aim is not to impress, but to impress upon them the importance of the information given. I like to hold my audiences with my verbal skills not lose them.

Communication Problems in Marriage:
When married couples have communication problems, it is usually because they have established a non-verbal communication basis that they have not mastered. Assumptions are made because of previous misunderstanding and therefore instead of clearly communicating their thoughts to one another they give out singles that are rarely caught or understood. If you find yourself often saying, “I thought you meant…,” this response is an indication that you clearly have a communication problem.

A Communication Problem:
Some years back, there was a movie that Paul Newman starred in entitled, Cool Hand Luke. The character Paul Newman was playing was a rebel young man that often found himself in trouble with the law. He ended up in a back-woods prison surrounded by swamp and venomous snakes. The Warden would often inform the prisoners that if they tried to escape, they would both be recaptured and returned to be brutally beaten to serve as a reminder to not attempt to escape again or the swamp would kill them before they could escape to freedom. One day, Paul Newman’s character escaped, but was later captured and returned to the prison to resume his sentence. This is when the Warden spoke the famous phrase, “What we have here is a failure to communicate.” As a young man, I loved the phrase but I did not fully understand it until later in my years. What was meant was if you continue to do the opposite of what is spoken, obviously there is a misunderstanding.

Body Language Speaks Loudly:
Oftentimes, when words or phrases are misunderstood, it is usually because what is said may have a different meaning or connotation to the listener. The second reason for the possible misunderstanding could be, and in most cases is, when what is said does not correspond with the tone and facial expression when it was spoken. Therefore, the person may not have heard what you said because they were engulfed by how you said it. This is a major problem in marriage and sometimes in business board meetings. Identifying the problem is a third of the solution. However, knowing what to do with your new discovery is another part of the solution. Having the humility to place priority on the importance of getting and receiving an understanding, is far better and advantageous than gratifying your frustrations.

Clarification of a Solution:
Take your time, be patient, because the person you may be talking to, may have a legitimate hearing impairment. Communication is the basis to life. General simple verbiage gives you a far better percentage of being understood than speaking in an extra extensive vocabulary that may not impress anyone but you.

Recommended Reading:

I frequently say, “Readers are leaders and leaders are readers.” I strongly believe this statement; therefore, I have taken the time to recommend reading material that I believe will greatly benefit your life and business endeavors. Click the images to see more information or to order the books from Amazon.com.

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The materials are provided for your convenience and Dr. Brown will earn a small commission from Amazon when you purchase through the links provided above.

Come let’s talk some more about this, comment your thoughts below.

Encouragement: The Essence of Cool

cool-postTo be encouraged is one thing, but to maintain encouragement is a whole different ball game. It is important to realize that whatever got you where you are usually isn’t enough to get you where you’re going.

This is a very important lesson to learn because oftentimes people have the propensity to think that doing the same thing initially done is important to maintain. However, trying to maintain the same motivation factor to propel you to a higher attitude and mindset level is inadequate for the new struggles ahead. For instance, married couples have a tendency to think that their marriage will always be the same and that their love will never be challenged because they are sooooo in love. LOL.

The young couple’s level and intensity of love for one another is wonderful if you are considering that most couples start their marriage with borderline infatuation. Honeymooners are not thinking about the challenges ahead because in their mind, love will conquer anything that comes their way. Nah! Love, like any other form of expression starts off in its seed form. Love grows from being tested, stretched, and proven. Young couples may have the love for one another, but do they have the patience to endure the little idiosyncrasies of one another that can wear on one’s patience over time? With the divorce rate being higher among the ages of 23 to 43 than any other age group, it exposes the essentials needed to expand love, and maintaining it is being ignored. Nothing left to its self will work itself out, contrary to popular belief.

To maintain encouragement is the epitome of cool. Staying cool under pressure is an art form. Its foundation is confidence, being personally persuaded and convinced that regardless of how something looks, your outcome will be favorable.

Giving encouragement and living encouraged are two extremes. Oftentimes, the encourager receives just as much inspiration from giving encouragement as the person receiving it. One of the key components to maintaining encouragement in a situation where you feel as if you are under tremendous pressure is finding someone to encourage. I believe it was Celeste Holm who said, “We live by encouragement and die without it – slowly, sadly and angrily.” All things are subjected to one thing—change, so do not give in when you know things are always changing.

Children are one of the best sources of encouragement. The way children are is that they will find a play time in the midst of some of the most unfavorable situations and laugh regardless of the circumstances. However, most adults are just the opposite. They will find every reason to focus on the negatives about a situation, only to use it as an excuse to complain and surrender in the fight.

Being encouraged means you never stop fighting until the change you desire occurs, and you will find every reason why you should continue fighting until you do.

Recommended Reading:

I frequently say, “Readers are leaders and leaders are readers.” I strongly believe this statement; therefore, I have taken the time to recommend reading material that I believe will greatly benefit your life and business endeavors. Click the images to see more information or to order the books from Amazon.com.

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The materials are provided for your convenience and Dr. Brown will earn a small commission from Amazon when you purchase through the links provided above.

Come let’s talk some more about this, comment your thoughts below.